God is a matron.
The curse of the
restless.
No activity feels
right.
Always trying to
grasp the ‘something better’ that seems out of reach but is definitely out
there.
The television
beckons while reading.
Books beckon while
watching television.
The internet charms
whenever it pleases.
Music, Movies,
Travel.
Learning something
new. A dance form. An instrument. A language.
There are so many
great things to do. Time is so restricting.
One day with my
nose engrossed in a book, mom entered the room and said, “How many books
will you read? You can’t finish them all!”
That made me think.
I agreed with mom, for once. I am so eager to do it all. To fill every moment
till it’s bursting from its seams. Mostly this desire actualizes as only an
empty desperate want within, torn between the enchanting romance of being idle,
eyes looking around for that perfect thing to do, not being satisfied with
anything I take up. Oh, I’d rather do that. Ah, I’d rather do nothing!
There are people
who find one thing they inexorably fall in love with and can’t imagine doing
anything else. “I knew I had to be a writer”, “I eat, sleep and
breathe soccer.” So easy. No conflict. You get up and you know what to do.
While I wake up
everyday with a sinking feeling that my life is passing by as I watch
helplessly. And then a stray comment from mom makes me realize that I cannot do
it all. In this one lifetime, I have to choose. It can be 2, 3 or 10 things but
its got to be finite. That in a life you have constants that stay and variables
that you can toy with. And all this you have to figure in these limited days in
a month, a year, a life. Take out old age, take out childhood from the equation
and you have a very meager mass left. And then you tell me I’m FOMO!
This disappointing
but liberating realization is a great thing to have happened. Especially now,
in the beginning of the year. Now I can stop constantly feeling like a fish out
of water. Breathe. It’s finite.
Cruel cruel creator
put us in the middle of this amazeballs place and placed a harsh time limit to
it. We are all Cinderellas.
So I’m like this
curator of experiences, basically. An awesome article. A great picture. A
little known scientist who changed the world. A popular artist who’s a scam. A
quote. A person. A book. A man on the street; a king from the past. There are
so many stories. So many awesome things that have happened, are happening, will
happen in this world. As I hungrily try to gulp all this enchanting knowledge
beverage from a bottomless cosmic glass.
It may be an
obvious thing for most people. But I guess I’m a sadho. Searcher.
Restless. Like, I even actually suffer from what’s called RLS - Restless Leg
Syndrome. It’s an actual thing. A very small percentage of the population has
it. Speaking of which, an unrelated revelation is I’m also one of the few to
have the ‘Photic Sneeze Reflex’. It’s probably not a good idea for people
like me to make fun of conditions like Anatidaephobia.
Coming back, I call
God a matron because he made this wonderful, joyous experience but has
placed a strict order in its matrix. So many good things to eat,
but can’t eat too much. Morning brings light but it goes. Glorious night
arrives but it goes.
The thirst is
unquenchable. Ignorance is bliss.
We only have to
find the few that give us peace and purpose.
And to know that
there’s no point looking for magic ‘cause we are magic ourselves. We are
all stardust. We are a reflection of the universe.
To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower
It is right it should be so;
Man was made for Joy and Woe;
And when this we rightly know
Thro’ the World we safely go.
posted by Fly @ 2:49 AM
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