Ummapalm

iv been wanting to note down my bizarre-bizarre-weirdest-raised-to-n dreams.
as expected the thought didnt materialise. but hey, this nice quick way of writing them on the blog struck. instant gratification satisfied, but its a bit of an impersonal space to write my dreams in. also, what if there is some huge virus like the y2k that will probably delete everything on the net 20 years from now? how will i go back to my dreams n find out how many came true and backward inetgrate the meaning and interpretations of them in my life. never mind. so be it.

so here goes the first one on my blog.

title? When i bore babies from a firang father. (!!!##&&).




i am pregnant. but i dont have the bulged tummy. im at my place. there is not as much excitement as there should be if im pregnant. im not any older. just what im now. the atmosphere is weird. very brown, green n muddy. a bit caught up. the house is running normal, but im pregnant! n its not showing much on them. aah, im not married. the father of the child appears. he is a firang, harley driving sorts. long hair, huge tattoo on the arm, jacket n all, ruffled. its time for my delivery and the child is born through a cesarean operation. im very upset that it was not a normal delivery. i have always felt that one of the reasons a child is so dear to his mother is that she undergoes utmost pain while giving birth to it. so im feeling bad. i get the child home. all through the way, im feeling strange that its 'my' child. im looking at his face. yes, its a boy. i get him home. again, there is no surprise. i mean, neither in me nor in my family..i can feel it in the dream that this is not how we behave. its strangely...unperturbed. i can feel that every moment. im not even going crazy over the child. i want to, but im not. im trying to understand how to breast feed the baby. its a beautiful baby, n i feel it looks like me :). strangely, i did not experience any of the seemingly painful parts of child birth...no labour pain n push-push n no breast feeding happened. and the baby never cried. it always smiled at me.

underwater elves take the father of the child into the green sea. there is a car washing machine submerged, maybe from a drowned ship that was carying it many years ago. its got all moss on it. the elves wash the man with the machine. the water and the machine are working on him. the brushes are rolling against him n he is being tossed smoothly as it works, cleaning him. his long, light brown hair, become neatly short. his tattoo is gone. he is a gentleman. one part of the machine on the top is what a piano is like if you remove the keys. the elves run on it n urge him to follow. they run, n the sticks go up n down up n down, very smoothly, in the water.

he is my husband now. we are sitting at the dinner table. i look the same. there is a grown up child on the table, around 9-10yrs. and a smaller boy of around 2 years. he's my second child. again, the atmosphere is very normal. like how child birth, family, n husband would be for a poor girl.. predictable.. unexciting. im looking at my second child n want to do those things that i think me would do. i bend down n croon, chotu...chotu.

n the dream ends.

i get up disturbed.


Notes

i read an article in the paper the day before i saw the dream in which someone is talking of a painter who is half indian, half german. i had felt how would it be to give birth to a child like that.



Dream Moods - A to Z Dream Dictionary.

Baby
To see a baby in your dream, signifies innocence, warmth and new beginnings. Babies may symbolize something in your own inner nature which is pure, vulnerable, and/or uncorrupted. If you dream that you are on your way to the hospital to have a baby, then it signifies your issues of dependency and your desire to be completely cared for. Perhaps you are trying to get out of some responsibility. Babies may represent an aspect of yourself that is vulnerable and helpless.
To dream that you or someone is having a baby, suggests that you are giving birth to a new idea or project. It also represents new beginnings or some upcoming event.

Husband
To dream that you have a husband (but you do not in your waking life), symbolizes some sort of partnership and/or commitment. Often, it is also representative of the qualities of your father in which you projected onto this figure or the masculine side of your own personality.

Pregnant
To dream that you are pregnant, symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing. You may not be ready to talk about it or act on it. This may also represent the birth of a new idea, direction, project or goal.

Sea
To see the sea in your dream, represents your unconscious and your transition between your unconscious and conscious. It also often represents your emotions. The dream may also be a pun on your understanding and perception of a situation. "I see" or perhaps there is something you need to "see" more clearly. Alternatively, the dream may indicate a need to reassure yourself or offer reassurance to someone.

Seaweed
To see seaweed in your dream, suggests that you need to rely on your intuition and trust your instincts.

Elf
To see an elf in your dream, refers to some imbalance and disharmony in your life. The elf often serves as a guide of the soul. Alternatively, it suggests that you need to be more carefree, worry-free, and light-hearted.