Ummapalm

last christmas and this christmas had one man in common. but the way things turned out then and now is different.

i have taken shit from some people in the name of friendship. in the name of looking at the bigger picture. its turned out to be worthless. it gave me some good years in return, but it was wrong. so is it right to go on being with the wrong for some good things in return? at the end of the day everyone justifies it to themselves in some way or the other and move on.

its scary how withdrawn im getting. i want to break free and be myself. my sensitive side that wants to feel the smallest of things to the deepest is playing the culprit. the stupid part of me that does not believe in moving on is the thief. robbing me of my happiness each time. its been too long that iv been anti-social. im not too upset about it cz its other side is that i want to concentrate only on my work. some incidents break the pattern though.

technically, this is the happiest time in my life. a lot of good things have happened and are happening. its like im hell bent on not accepting the happiness. im not concentrating on the good things and only putting all my attention to the bad ones. when i should actually forget it and enjoy the moment. i want peace and bliss. i want to be the happy shriek that i am.