Ummapalm

Welcome to my year end entry.

So, I'm 26 years old now. Woahhh!!!

I have to really think about this one because this has been a year of a lot of inner turmoil. That's what highlights this year. I've heard that's what 26 year olds go through. But they say that for every age :s

A shitty work life highlighted 2010. That's one factor that pulled forward to 2011 as well. I think most part of this year i was hunting for a job or a house. But then i won my first individual awards. A silver n bronze. Yayyyiee!!

Another first was a trip with cousins. Something i always wanted. Bae, Varun n me; the threesome, went for a trip to Rajasthan. Super fun!

For some reason I'm not able to think about what happened between Jan to December. I only remember year end bits. Stuff i just mentioned above. What DID i do this whole year??

Okayy...Let's think of the highlights.

* Blackberry!!
* House fiasco.
* Facebook film. Took up at least 3 months of this year.
* Superweeks. Aah! There. The first half of the year. Endless hours of mindless brainstorms. At least did a good radio campaign. Won!

There. So most of the year was around work. This was the year of minimal social life. I've lived per day. Like a Vodafone plan. Damn!

Now to the inner turmoil part.

Well, the loss i figured, was slowly and steadily building this dark hole inside me. Full of hate, revenge and mistrust. To me, it was a conscious decision. I was on the right path to dealing with the ways of the world. It is true I'm sure. But i guess when you turn negative, you turn negative overall. You can't draw boundaries. You are either a negative or a positive person. And whatever you choose to be on a major level, starts trickling into unsuspecting parts of your life. I was avenging friends. I was fighting with the world. Love cried all the way. Cried for what i was becoming. And i thought he was too soft. You gotta be tough to face this world. But then slowly and steadily it started dawning upon me. How far can i be from my loved ones? How much can i afford to hurt them? The person who suffers the most when you're negative, is yourself. Cz you're not happy. Simple.

So ya I think I've left it behind. Wrapped it all up within the year. Problem - Solution conquered. I just remember that this hasn't been the happiest year. K n me went through major ups n downs too. I think there's no use reflecting upon this year. I'll just think about what i want the new year to be like.
2012. It's a good number. It's giving me a good feeling.

I just want to keep my mind off the crap. Have fun in whatever way i can. Have one big trip this year for sure. But i guess my heart now wants something more. Something beyond the parties, the trips, the work. Marriage?? I don't know. Can't be. But i want to feel richer from within. Right now, life is very blah. It's what everyone says - the great monotonous routine. N what can you do to break it? Watch a movie? Go out with friends? Take a trip? Is that it?
I'm sure there's something more. I want to fill the cup this year. Do something MORE.

But what? It's like I'm waiting for an epiphany. Like Jesus will come in my dream and i'll realize my life is in charity. Many years later i'll tell in a documentary, "my life was meaningless, until i found this". That sort of a fulfillment! Pakk gaya brands se.

People say happiness is in making your loved ones smile, giving that hug, helping someone n all. But i guess it's beyond that. Or maybe I'm just this huge drifter. Who's always looking for something more.

But I've never wanted something so deeply before. I guess - job conquered, money conquered. Now the time for beyond has come. N it's not my fault.

2012. I hope i live you to the fullest. To. The. FULLEST.